Yogi Food: Easy Vegan Apple Crisp

13 Nov

If you’re a baker, making bread, you’re a baker. If you make the best bread in the world, you’re not an artist, but if you bake the bread in the gallery, you’re an artist. So the context makes the difference.
Marina Abramovic 

I hate kitchens. I don’t understand these enormous American kitchens that take up half the living room and then they just order pizza.
Also Marina Abramovic

Fall is the best time to bake, especially if you have one of those big American kitchens.  I know everyone and her mom is posting recipes on the internet these days,  but I like to think that since I’m such a lazy (efficient?) baker, this one is worth trying.  Even if you just approximate the measurements (I usually do!) it will turn out great. 



6 apples

1 cup raisins

¾ cup sunflower butter

¾ cup sugar

1 tbsp cinnamon

1 tbsp allspice

1 tbsp ground cloves

2 tbsp orange zest

1 cup vegan milk of choice

¾ cup flour


¾ cup sugar

¾ cup flour

¼ cup olive oil

Mix the sunflower butter and sugar together.  Add the rest of the ingredients in the order above.  It will look like pancake batter.

Cut up 6 apples into little cubes.  If you are very lazy, outsource this to someone you live with.

Place cut apples and raisins in a baking dish (Any kind is fine.  See, lazy!) pour pancake-ish mixture on top.  Use the empty mixing bowl to make the crust- put all 3 ingredients required and stir it around with a fork until it looks like crumbs, or very dry, not-stuck-together cookie dough.  You can eat some if you like with said fork, it’s good.

Scoop out the crumb part onto top of the apples and gooey stuff.  Bake in the oven at 425 for about 30 minutes, or until it gels together and gets brown on top.  If you knife it in the middle to test doneness, it will always be gooey- go by looks instead.  Try to take a picture of yourself doing a handstand in your kitchen while it bakes:

Photo on 11-13-13 at 2.26 PM

Yeah, “try.” You can also figure out how to make your timer slow down so you don’t have to run and jump into said handstand in the span of 4 seconds. Note to myself: don’t wear flesh-colored shorts in pictures, it looks weird.

If you accidentally undercook it, that’s fine- it’s vegan! You can eat it absolutely raw with almost no chance of getting salmonella.

Put on some Van Morrison (I don’t know why, it just seems to fit with fall and baking) and eat it straight from the pan.

Photo on 11-13-13 at 2.21 PM #5

Still trying to figure out that photo timer.

“There are only four great arts: music, painting, sculpture, and ornamental pastry- architecture being perhaps the least banal derivative of the latter.”
― Julia ChildMy Life in France

One Response to “Yogi Food: Easy Vegan Apple Crisp”

  1. Anonymous November 18, 2013 at 3:33 pm #

    Hilarious and yummy, as always!
    Uh, you sure those are flesh-colored shorts. Well, if you say so…

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